Importance vs. Influence

No Hay For You!

I added another horse to my herd a few months ago, Teton.  Like every new horse, she has been totally shut out by the other horses during feeding time.  Teton is simply not allowed to eat. She cowers in the corner until the others are finished, and then timidly approaches to eat the scraps.  This has gone on every day for months.  Suddenly this morning, she appeared totally integrated and was calmly eating right alongside the rest of the horses.  What caused this dramatic transformation? 

This video, which we took during the afternoon feeding, captures the reason for her personality change.  My Dad went on vacation yesterday, so I added his two horses to my herd.  Now it is Teton's turn to kick and bite the newbies.  As I mentioned, I have watched this same dynamic play out many times, always focusing on the poor new horse being mistreated.  This time I noticed the amazing infusion of confidence of the once-picked-on horse.  Teton is now a full and accepted member of the herd, and all it took was to have someone lower in the pecking order.

Sadly, we see this behavior with humans as well.  Whether on the playground or in the boardroom, people feel more confident and important when they have people below them. The problem is that this type of confidence is fleeting.  As soon as someone or something comes along to erode one’s status then confidence begins to dissolve.  I think this may be why some people struggle with the transition into retirement.  Without an important title or direct reports, they lose their confidence.  A more durable and authentic source is based on influence.  Leaders who focus on influencing and developing others, achieve an enduring and ultimately more rewarding confidence.  Dieter Uchtdorf said, "Never overestimate your importance but never underestimate your influence."